No macro trackingNo before photosSeveral excellent dinners
Pairing labPinot, Gruyere, and one clipboard nobody requested.French paradox filesA literature review with table wine.Protocol complianceThirty days, zero macros, one cheese drawer.Approved picksCheese subscriptions pretending to be research.
As debated atCheese countersDinner partiesGroup textsExactly zero clinical boards
Latest prescriptions
Start with the current issue.
Pairing Guide
The Pinot Noir + Gruyère Protocol: A Peer-Reviewed Pairing
Researchers have long suspected that Pinot Noir and Gruyère belong together. New data from our kitchen table confirms it.
The Summer Cheese Board Protocol: Build Light, Replenish Often, Respect the Heat
A warm-weather cheese board is not a set-it-and-forget-it proposition. It is a living document, subject to revision every ninety minutes and the ambient temperature of your patio.
The Holiday Cheese Board That Replaces Gift Cards Forever
A gift card says you thought about someone for thirty seconds. A three-cheese board with a printed tasting card and region-matched wine says you thought about them for at least forty-five minutes, which is the right amount.
The 3-5-7 Rule and Other Cheese Board Math That Actually Works
The 3-5-7 rule is not science. It is styling advice that has been passed around the food internet long enough to feel like law. Here is what it actually means and how to use it without overthinking it.
The Cheese Temperature Rule That Changes Everything (And the Timer That Does Not)
Pulling cheese from the fridge before serving is one of the most impactful things you can do for a cheese board. The 45-minute rule is real, mostly — and the exceptions are at least as useful as the rule.
A comprehensive field study in progress. Publication is expected shortly after the weight is actually lost, which we are told can happen on this diet. The timeline remains flexible.
In the meantime, we are having a genuinely excellent time with the research. The Burgundy is open. The Gruyere is out. The outline exists and is very promising.
Field Research
100%
Outline
62%
Writing
14%
Weight Lost So Far
3%
I started the protocol three weeks ago. I have not lost a single pound. I have also not cared about that, not even a little.
Margaux F.Pinot devotee
My doctor asked what I'd been eating. I showed her the cheese drawer. She said this explains nothing. I feel that's a fairly strong clinical endorsement.
Thomas B.Aged Gouda specialist
The protocol is working exactly as described. I am more interesting at dinner parties and significantly more relaxed about carbohydrates.
Sarah K.Recent Burgundy convert
The 3% is disputed internally. It may have been water weight from a particularly aggressive sparkling wine evening. We are running additional trials.
The Wine & Cheese Diet
